30 Ways To ANnoy Shikamaru
by HarvestMoonRacoon
Summary: 30 Ways to drive Shika insane.


**Author's Note: OK- another set of overdue "30 Ways". I really need to get these things on a schedule, so that you guys know when to anticipate a new annoyance fic. Hmm. -shrugs, and laughs like a loon at 'Naruto Ultimate Fanflash 3'-**

**30 Ways To Mildly Agitate Shikamaru**

1. Force him to wear a dress.

2. Get him a part-time job.

3. Buy a pound of ground beef from the supermarket. Smear it all over your groin, and fetch a meat cleaver from the kitchen; squirt ketchup over the whole mess, and place the knife at your side. When he comes home from training, sprawl across his bed and make gagging noises, while twitching occasionally.

4. Squirt super-glue on the family's toilet seat.

5. Mess with his hair. He's too lazy to stop you.

6. Paint numbers on a dozen cucumbers. At random times, snatch them all up and scream, "PICK-UP STICKS!!"

7. Develop a speech impediment in which you must repeat the words "oil change" after every sentence.

8. Throw a large head of Romaine lettuce at him whenever he says, "Troublesome".

9. Put a puppet on each hand, and hold conversations with them, using a soprano voice for the right hand, and a falsetto voice with the other.

10. Hug him.

11. Tightly.

12. Declare that he has been renamed 'Dudley'. Refuse to refer to him by any other name.

13. Send Tsunade a postcard with Shikamaru's romantic observations of her ample.. Bosom.

14. Randomly snatch his tongue from his mouth and scream, "THE RATS! THE RATS! WE MUST GET RID OF THE RATS!".

15. Throw a paint balloon at Ino when she turns her back. When she whirls around, place a similar balloon into Shikamaru's hands and point innocently at him.

16. Beat him with a sun hat.

17. Cheat at Shougi, and win unscrupulously.

18. Brag to every person you see of how Shikamaru has the _biggest_ crush on Sakura.

19. Listen to Clay Aiken on his stereo system incessantly.

20. Quote from _Northanger Abbey_ on a regular basis.

21. Hook Chouji to a wheelbarrow, and 'drive' him around the village.

22. Dress in a habit, and follow him with a quick gait and wide eyes.

23. Play against Asuma in a DDR battle royale.

24. Dress as Santa Claus in the middle of August, and force every person under 4' 3'' that you see to sit in your lap and recant a list of desired items.

25. Wax his eyebrows.

26. Stuff him out of a window, where he will fall into the waiting arms of his fan girls.

27. Scream to him that, "SOCKS CAN TALK!", and perch on top of his head for the rest of the weekend.

28. Sing "The Beer Song", by Weird Al Yankovictch.

29. Proclaim yourself the king of Mongolia, and dye your hair a shade of gaudy yellow.

30. Refuse to say any words other than "Monkey" for a maximum of one month.

**Shikamaru's Reaction:**

"… It's too troublesome to dignify this fan fiction with a reply from me. HMR needs to find a better way to end these ungodly excuses for art." Shikamaru muttered, shrugging his Chuunin jacket well past his ears. It was about time for a nap, anyway.

"HEY! I CAN HEAR THAT!" came an infuriated cry from above the animated character.

"Well, you do. Nobody likes these stupid ending parts. They take up too much space, and I had to break up a match with Asuma-sensei to come here and close up this list. That makes it troublesome, as well as a waste of my time, and yours."

"I hate them, too. The time I spend writing these little end parts, I could be cooking up a batch of more annoyance ficcys. But, hey. All for the readers, right?"

"If they want to read stuff like this, they're worse than troublesome. If this list is quite finished, I'd like to go finish my game, and than have a nap."

"HEY! DON'T INSULT THE READERS! AND IT ISN'T FINISHED, YET! I'VE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU, OH SHIKA-TEME! AND I CALL IT-"

Too late; HMR was on a roll. Her overactive imagination had kicked into high gear, and was now spitting out millions of ways to torture one of her favorite anime's characters. … Or, more accurately, 30 ways to do so.

"Oooooooh What is the malted liquor, what gets ya drunken quicker, what comes in bottles, or in caaaaaasns!?" she bellowed, tilting her head back to howl out perhaps Weird Al's most original song.

Suddenly, Shikamaru was being attcked by hundreds of tiny, elfin creatures with tiny silver hammers in their hands, each wearing pointed hats and a thick, gray moustache A giant, wooden rabbit suddenly rolled onto the scene, followed by a magazine cut out of a baleen whale floating over Shikamaru's head. Two 16th century figures from a painting performed a can-can past the flailing Chuunin, while a blueberry pie wearing brown loafers ran through the mayhem.

To the strains of a parody about beer, Shikamaru was knocked out cold by one of the imps. For all of it's time wasting, the story had come to a relatively happy ending.

He was _thoroughly _agitated. HMR had won again.

**A/N: ... WHAT? I was tired! Review, please.**


End file.
